Showing posts with label women. Show all posts
Showing posts with label women. Show all posts

Wednesday, July 18, 2007

Just Some Random Thoughts About Men.


blossom tree
Just Some Random Thoughts About Men
... Don't imagine you can change a man - unless he's
in nappies.

...
What do you do if your boyfriend walks out? You
shut the door.

...
If they put a man on the moon - they should be
able to put them all up there.

...
Never let your man's mind wander - it's too little
to be out alone.

... Go for the younger man. You might as well, they
never mature anyway.

...Men are all the same - they just have different
faces, so that you can tell them apart.

...
Definition of a bachelor: a man who has missed
the opportunity to make some woman miserable.

...
Women don't make fools of men - most of them are
the do-it-yourself types.

...
Best way to get a man to do something is to
suggest he is too old for it.

...
Love is blind, but marriage is a real eye-opener.

...
If you want a committed man, look in a mental
hospital.

...
The children of Israel wandered around the desert
for 40 years. Even in Biblical times, men wouldn't ask
for directions.

...
If he asks what sort of books you're interested
in, tell him cheque books.

...
Remember a sense of humor does not mean that you
tell him jokes, it means that you laugh at his.

... Sadly, all men are created equal.

Thursday, July 5, 2007

Jokes for Women


WHO DOES WHAT

A man and his wife were having an argument about whoshould brew the coffee each morning.The wife said, "You should do it, because you get up first, and then we don't have to wait as long to get our coffee."The husband said, " You are in charge of cooking around here and you should do it, because that is your job, and I can just wait for my coffee."Wife replies, "No, you should do it, and besides, it is in the Bible that the man should do the coffee."Husband replies, "I can't believe that, show me."So she fetched the Bible, and opened the New Testament and showed him at the top of several pages, that it indeed says.........."HEBREWS"

THE SILENT TREATMENT

A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving eachother the silent treatment. Suddenly, the man realized that the next day,he would need his wife to wake him at 5:00 AM for an early morning business flight. Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on a piece of paper,"Please wake me at 5:00 AM." He left it where he knew she would find it.The next morning, the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AMand he had missed his flight. Furious, he was about to go andsee why his wife hadn't wakened him, when he noticed a piece of paper bythe bed. The paper said, "It is 5:00 AM. Wake up."Men are not equipped for these kinds of contests. God may have created man before woman, but there is always a rough draft before the masterpiece.

Wednesday, June 20, 2007

MEN AND WOMEN


Pass this to as many men as you can - to give them a laugh.
Pass this to as many women as you can - to give them an education.


Girls' English

Yes = No

No = Yes

May-b = No

"It's your decision" = The correct decision should be obvious by now!

" Do what u want" = You'll pay 4 this later!

We need to talk" = I need to bitch.

"Sure......Go ahead" = I don't want you too.

" I'm not upset" = Of course I'm upset, u stupid moron!

" How much do u love me?" = I did something today your not goin' like me 4.

"Is my butt fat?" = Tell me I’m beautiful.

" You have to learn to communicate!" = Just agree with me.

" Are you listening to me?" = Too late, you're dead!

Guy's English

" I'm hungry" = I'm hungry

" I'm sleepy" = I'm sleepy

" I'm tired " - I'm tired

" Do you want to go to a movie?" = I'd eventually like to have sex with you.

" Can I take you to dinner?" = I'd eventually like to have sex with you.


" Can I call you sometime?" = I'd eventually like to have sex with you.

" May I have this dance?" = I'd eventually like to have sex with you.

"Nice dress" = Nice cleavage.

" You look tensed, let me give you a massage" = I want to fondle you.

" What's wrong? " = What meaningless self inflicted psychological trauma
are you going through now?

" What's wrong?" = I guess sex tonight is out of the question.

"I'm bored" = Do you want to have sex?

" I love you" = Let's have sex right now.

" I love you too" = Okay i said it we'd better have sex now!

" Let's talk" = I am trying' to impress you by shown that I'm a deep person
and maybe then you'd like to have sex with me!

" Will you marry me?" = I want to make it illegal 4 you to have sex with
other guys.

Never argue with a Woman – who reads!

A couple went on vacation to a fishing resort in northern Queensland. The
husband liked to fish at the crack of dawn. The wife liked to read. One
morning the husband returned after several hours of fishing and decided to
take a nap. Although not familiar with the lake, the wife decided to take
the boat out. She motored out a short distance, anchored, and continued to
read her book. Along came a game warden in his boat. He pulled up alongside

the woman and said, "Good morning Ma'am. What are you doing?" "Reading a
book," she replied, (thinking, "Isn't that
obvious?"). "You're in a restricted fishing area," he informed her. "I'm
sorry officer, but I'm not fishing, I'm reading." "Yes, but you have all
the
equipment. For all I know you
could start at any moment. I'll have to take you in and book you ." "If you
do that, I'll have to charge you with sexual
assault," said the woman. "But I haven't even touched you," said the
Ranger.
"That's true, but you have all the equipment. For all I know you could
start
at any moment." "Have a nice day ma'am", and he left.

MORAL: Never argue with a woman who reads. It's likely she can also think.